October 11, 2009

It’s All in The Timing

Posted by fixitmommy under Phone calls, The Little One, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , |
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The Little One has been sick for about three days now.  It started on Thursday night with eight hours of puking. No joke, no exaggeration.  She threw up every 20 minutes from 9 p.m. until 5 a.m.  It was pleasant.

Then on Friday she started complaining her ears hurt.  She had a low grade fever, but seemed all right after a few hours sleep. She was a bit grumpy on Saturday morning, then was fine.  But by Saturday night she was a grouch again.  Again she started telling me her ear hurt.

So I decided that today, Sunday, would be the day we made the trip to Urgent Care.  If she had an ear infection, it had already been a few days and I wanted to get her started on meds sooner versus later.

We had made arrangements to try out Skype with the Husband this morning.  So I knew I needed to wait for his call and then we’d head to Urgent Care.

Now one other aside about the Little One’s sickness; She had not pooped since Thursday.  Considering her decreased appetite with the large volume of puke, I was a little concerned, but not overly concerned.  I figured I would bring it up at the Urgent Care visit along with the other symptoms.

So what do y’all think happened the second the Husband called? I had just answered his call, spotted him on the computer, showed the Big One where to look for Daddy when it happened.  Not only did the Little One poop at that exact moment, she had the most disgusting liquid explosion in her entire life.  We are talking spilling out of the diaper, soaking through her sweat pants.  And the smell?  Oh my Lord, the smell was horrendous.

I’ve been a mom for 4.5 years.  I have dealt with my share of stinky poop, but y’all I was gagging on the floor, while trying to clean up the mess.  As I tried desperately not to get it on the carpet, the Big One continued to talk to Daddy as the video cut in and out.   Each time he disappeared, she was yelling, “DADDY? Are you there? DADDY???”

I’m not sure if it was a case of too many people clogging the server on his end, or if it was something that I had done wrong. I just know that he was cutting in and out as I was trying desperately to clean up the poop explosion.  Both kids were freaking out for different reasons.  The dog was trying to figure out where the smell was coming from by nudging the diaper with her nose.  I was holding the Little One’s legs and butt up in the air, while trying to clean up the mess and at the same time shooing Gracie Lou away from the diaper.

Meanwhile, the Husband is just sort of staring in disbelief at the computer trying to figure out what all the chaos was about.  I contemplated telling him we’d try back in 5 minutes, but then I figured what’s the use, there would surely be something else going on, so we pressed on.

We did get to talk and see each other off and on for about 10 minutes.  It was pretty cool, that’s for sure.

Of course, now the Little One keeps looking at the computer and saying, “I want to talk to Daddy!!”

 

October 5, 2009

It Sneaks Up On Me

Posted by fixitmommy under Time, Uncategorized | Tags: , , |
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It happens at the strangest times.   Well, I guess strange isn’t the right word.   I guess maybe random is a better word.   The Husband has been gone for a month now; One down a few more to go.

Over the last few weeks, the girls and I have gotten into a decent rhythm.  We are learning what to expect from one another and how far we can push each other before we all become very miserable.

I really have gone into a survival-type mode. More days than not I feel like I am doing what I can just to make it to bedtime.   I don’t dwell too much during the day on the fact that the Husband is gone.   If I start thinking about it, then inevitably my mind wanders to how long it will be until he gets home.   And quite frankly, that is too depressing to think about.

So most days, we simply go about our business and do whatever it is we need to do.  Obviously we do think about him and talk about him throughout the day, but we don’t put a whole lot of emphasis on time.

Anyway this routine works for me.  If I don’t stop long enough to get sad, I won’t get sad.

Yesterday in church, I was sitting behind a couple.  They were probably in their late 40’s. (for those of you who read my Facebook updates, they were NOT the ones texting during  the sermon!)

At this particular time in the service, we were standing singing a song.   For whatever reason, I was watching them while I sang.   They both had their hands resting on the pew in front of them.   At one point the husband swayed with the music and his fingers brushed up against hers.   Over the next few seconds, I watched as their fingers all slowly became intertwined. Then as they held hands for the rest of the song, it all hit me.

As my eyes filled up with tears, I realized that there was nobody around to hold my hand.  Now normally I am not a big hand-holder.  After a few minutes, your hands get all sweaty and all the romance of the moment is gone.

I guess it’s the realization that there is nobody there to quietly brush up against.  There is nobody there to give you a hug when the kids are driving you bonkers.  There is nobody there to scratch your back when you have that one elusive itch.  There is just nobody there.

{Yes, I am turning into a big ole sap. Leave me alone, okay!}

 

October 1, 2009

Murphy’s Law #3

Posted by fixitmommy under Murphy's Law, Uncategorized | Tags: , , |
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The lawn mower.

Murphy’s law is an adage that broadly states: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

Honestly I shouldn’t be annoyed that the lawn mower died, right?  I should take advantage and let my neighbor mow for me like he has volunteered to do.

It’s the principle of the damn thing.  About 18 months ago when the Husband was gone for 6 weeks, our other lawn mower died.   I did mounds of research and bought a new one.   We have a large hill in the front yard, so I got a great self-propelled lawn mower.   I used it once and I paid some neighborhood kid to mow with it once.   The kid loved it, I didn’t mind mowing with it.

So the Husband gets home, uses it once and deems it horrible.   It’s too heavy he complained.   I tried explaining to him that it was heavy because it was self-propelled.   He didn’t like it, so he returned it.

I said fine you go buy one.   So instead of him buying one, he called his dad who told him what kind he would get.   Of course our local stores didn’t carry it.   So my father-in-law bought it for us.   I think we drove it home from San Diego one weekend last fall.

The Husband used it a couple times before winter came along.   Being dumb we didn’t run it out of gas.   So this past spring, the thing wouldn’t start.   The lawn mower repair people fought with the manufacturer on it and finally gave up saying it needed a new carburetor because we left “bad gas” in it.   So we paid $90 to get the dumb thing fixed.

It’s  been maybe six months.   The thing has been used to cut the grass every couple weeks just fine since we replaced the carburetor.   Until today.   Seriously?   Is it because the Husband is gone?   Or another case of “bad gas?”   I think it’s a case of a crappy lawn mower.   Not necessarily the brand but a bad apple if you will.

Of course it could always just be Murphy’s Law.

And just for the record, I didn’t take advantage of my neighbor, I just borrowed their mower and did it myself.   And now I have to figure out what to do with the piece of crap in my garage.

 

September 28, 2009

Becoming a Better Parent

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I know I seem to be complaining or whining a lot and I don’t want this to be a downer.  So today I will tell you one good thing about this deployment.  And trust me, it’s a great thing that I hope will come out of this adventure.

I have a quick temper.  I am a yeller.  When I am frustrated, mad or annoyed I tend to yell.  Just ask the girls or the dog. I can yell.

I developed a terrible habit of yelling and/or threatening a spanking to get the girls to comply with whatever I wanted them to do.  I know it’s terrible, so please don’t berate me for it.  I am working on it.

I could pretend to control it by letting my frustration grow and grow and grow during the day, knowing that the Husband would be home and provide some relief.  But now I can’t do that.  The first week or so that the Husband was gone, was tough.  I yelled a lot.  The girls were scared into doing what I wanted them to do.  I was not coping well and they were suffering.  The last thing I want is for my kids to be afraid of me.

Through lots of prayer and reflection, I figured out the problem was my temper and I knew that I needed to get it in check or we will not survive this time.

Another problem I discovered was the Big One was turning into a little tyrant.  She was mimicking exactly what I was doing, except her anger was usually directed at her sister or a toy.  She would get mad, yell and she added the great gift of throwing whatever the offending object was.  {for the record I am not a thrower, just a yeller!}

So for the last three weeks, we have been working on using nice voices and being calm when what we really want to do is yell. I’ve tried the whispering tactic.  When I get frustrated with the girls, I speak in a very quiet voice so that they have to stop whatever they are dong to hear what I am saying.   It works sometimes.

I have been working hard to find other means of discipline besides spanking.  {Just a note, this has NOTHING to do with the recent study that come out saying that kids who are spanked have a lower IQ.  I think that’s a bunch of hooey. They are way too many other factors that determine IQ and way too many factors in individual homes to make that connection.}  I do think that in some instances, a swat on the bottom can go a long way.

But I was guilty of automatically resorting to a spanking (more the threat than the actual act) in order to get the girls to do what I wanted.   And I know that is not an effective means of discipline.  So we are working together to find other ways to teach them what behaviors are okay and which are not.

Another tactic I am using is to say, “That’s not okay,” Instead of constantly screaming, “NO!” or “STOP!” I read that on another blog that I love to read.  If I could find the actual post where I read it, I’d put a link here, but alas I cannot find it.

So anyway, we are working on things.  We are working on better communication.  We are working on lowering our voices.  And we are working on discipline without spanking.  If all goes well, we will be a much happier household and I will be a much better parent.

 

September 27, 2009

The Activity Conundrum

Posted by fixitmommy under The Big One, Uncategorized | Tags: , |
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The Big One started basketball yesterday.  Yes, she is only four.  I know that she is not very coordinated and that basketball takes a lot of coordination.  She is dong it for the social interaction.  She is doing it to learn teamwork.  She is doing it to maybe work on some hand-eye coordination.  She is doing it for some physical activity.

But most importantly she is doing it to get us out of the house.  With the Husband being gone, I am trying to find activities to fill the days.  I figure anything we can do to make the days go by faster will make this deployment easier on us.

Unfortunately the Husband doesn’t quite see it that way.  I think he gets my reasoning, but he is struggling with why we are doing these things while he is gone.  He feels slighted that I didn’t sign the Big One up for basketball when he was here.   And he has this silly notion that we only go to the “big park” when he is gone.

It is partly true. But that’s because when he is home on a weekend we are more often than not in San Diego. So we are not home to go to the big park or a basketball game,  instead we are at the Zoo or at a birthday party.

We don’t have any events or activities that are “must go tos” in San Diego in the near future. So I took advantage of that and signed her up for an activity.  It was difficult for me to make that choice. Going to San Diego is a sure fire way to make a couple days go faster. The grandparents, aunts and cousins make the day go faster. But I also seem to spend a lot of money when we go down. It’s also a long drive with both kids and the carsick dog. I decided that added stress wasn’t worth it to me. And who knows maybe it will convince some of the San Diego contingent to actually come visit us!

I am taking lots of basketball pictures and will bring the video camera too so that he doesn’t completely miss out.   I know he would love to be here and see her play, so I am going to do my best to document it all.   I just wish I didn’t feel so guilty about it.

 

September 22, 2009

It’s Not Always Pretty

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When I started this blog, it was to create a record of the range of emotions that we all go through as we muddle our way through this time apart.   I did it for us first and foremost, but also hope that maybe it can help someone else who may be going through the same things.   I think all that we have gone through so far is normal, based on the wonderful feedback I have received.   And I hope that it continues.

That is quite a disclaimer for my rant that is coming.  Yes, I miss the Husband.  Yes, the girls miss Daddy.  And life is most definitely different.  Yet in some ways it is exactly the same.

This morning the Husband called to question my credit card statement.  As you kidding me?  You are thousands of miles away and you called to question why I bought two more Good Nite Lites? (one for the Little One and one for Grandma and Grandpa’s house, if you too must know)  You want to know what I bought at Target or WalMart?  You wonder what I was doing at the Disney Outlet store?  You really want to go line-by-line to see what I spent money on during the last month?

I am in charge of the finances while he is gone.  I am well aware of the balance on the credit card.  I am well aware that yes, this month I have spent a little more than usual.  But I am also aware that some of those extras were for him. Some of those extras were for the girls and some of those things were just for fun. And some of those were stock-ups from Sam’s – -diapers, toilet paper, paper towels, fun stuff like that.

If he would have looked at the dates on the statement, several of those charges were actually before he left.  I did some Christmas shopping for the girls before he left.  I told him this. I know he doesn’t remember that I told him that’s what I had done.

I know he is tired.  I know that he misses us.  I know he is frustrated with his situation.  But seriously to spend his call today harping on me for the credit card bill?

I am annoyed at him for harassing me.  I am annoyed at myself for spending the extra money.  I am annoyed at the credit card company for not processing the payment three days ago so that I could move the statement out of his inbox before he saw it!

 

September 21, 2009

Going Straight For the Heart

Posted by fixitmommy under The Big One, Time, Uncategorized | Tags: , |
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I should know by now to not ask the Big One a question that I am not prepared to hear the answer to.

As we were cuddling in the rocking chair before bedtime, she let out a huge sigh.  I asked her what such a big sigh was for.  To which she replied:

“I just miss Daddy. I like Daddy more than I like you.”

OUCH! That just cut straight to the heart of things.  As much as it hurt me, we talked a little bit more about how that was okay and the other things she was feeling.  It was heartbreaking to listen to her tell me that she really misses Daddy doing tubby time, and reading to her.  She misses rocking and singing with Daddy.  She misses playing with Daddy.  She misses going with Daddy to get a haircut.  She rattled off several others things that she misses about Daddy.

I was taken aback by some of it.  I know we always talk about how resilient kids are, and I do know that she will be okay and she will get through this.  But it was very sad for me to realize just how much of an impact Daddy’s absence has had on her.  And it scares me to think about how she is going to adjust as time goes on.  I hope and pray that it gets easier as the days go on.  But at the same time, I worry that she will lose that unending devotion to Daddy.

As much as I want things to be easier for her, I don’t want her to ever forget how much fun Daddy is.     We are so very far away from when he will be home, I fear how that much time apart will skew her memories of Daddy.

We are fortunate that the location he is in participates in the United Through Reading program. Through a partnership with the USO, the Husband can record a 30-minute video once a week of him reading books to the girls.

We received our first video on Saturday. It was so fun to watch their eyes light up when they saw Daddy on the TV. And to be able to hear his voice and see his mannerisms did wonders for their psyche (mine too!).

As I tucked the Big One in, she clutched her Daddy doll and I did my best to reassure her that even though Daddy was far away physically.  He is very close in our hearts.  And that Mommy and Daddy both love her very much no matter what happens or where we go.

 

September 19, 2009

Ahhh, the Phone Call Dilemma

Posted by fixitmommy under Phone calls, Uncategorized | Tags: , , |
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We’ve decided that the best use of the 30 minutes of free phone time that the Husband gets through our local base is for him to call on Friday mornings.  Both girls are home and can take turns talking to Daddy.

It’s fun to watch how excited they get when they realize that it’s Daddy on the phone, but the fighting and arguing over who gets to talk is frustrating.

They are still little enough that they need to have the phone on speaker phone so that they can hear him, he can hear them and I can hear it all to translate.

The problem is actually twofold.  They fight over the phone and who gets to hold it when.  I try to keep one quiet while the other talks and then after a couple minutes we switch off.  It seems to work for the first switcharoo, but inevitably the Big One remembers something that she HAS to tell Daddy when the Little One is talking and vice versa.

Once they start whining and fighting, it gets very difficult for the Husband to hear anything at all.

The other challenge is the conversation itself.  I don’t know what’s best.  Is it best to try to “guide” the conversation with prompting or is it best to just let them ramble?  I do let them ramble initially, but then they seem to lose steam and run out of things to say.

I hate feeling like I am forcing the conversation, but at the same time I want to make sure they utilize the time that we have.

I always end up feeling like an overbearing stage-mom promoting my girls on what to say when. My intentions are of course to make sure that Daddy gets to hear as much about their adventures as possible.  I just feel like  it comes off too forced.

 

September 17, 2009

The USPS Rocks, My Carrier Not So Much

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I really do love the Post Office and the concept of the Priority Mail  you only-pay-one-price-boxes. They are fabulous and wonderful. It doesn’t matter how much stuff you cram into a box, it all costs the same. It doesn’t matter if it’s four pounds or 40 pounds. It’s the same price.  And the discount-rate when you are sending to APO addresses is even better. For about $11 I can send a whole box of stuff for the Husband.

It’s even better when you order the Priority Mail boxes online and have them delivered to your house. With two little kids, it’s a bit of a pain for me to lug a whole bunch of boxes out of the post office, while assuring that neither of my children get mowed down in the parking lot. So the convenience factor is huge for me.

While the Post Office is to be commended, I wish I could say the same about my mail carrier. I ordered two packs of boxes. Each pack comes with 10 boxes. I ordered one pack of large boxes and one pack of medium boxes (our niece is away at college so she gets the medium size).

Now let me give you some background. We live in a new community.  We don’t have individual mailboxes at our front door. We have a “community mailbox.” Ours is across the street. It’s a large metal box with several small boxes for each residence. Our mail carrier doesn’t walk around in the standard blue U.S Postal Service uniform. She wears regular clothes and drives from box to box (at way too fast a speed) with her back hatch open on her car. She pulls up to the box, sorts the mail into the correct boxes and then zooms off to the next box.

When we have a package delivered, she has to drive across the street to our house (the horror of it, I know).

So yesterday I was getting the girls out of the Mom-Mobile after picking the Big One up from preschool when the mail carrier pulls up to the driveway. I walked down to her car and said, “Great, you have my boxes. Thank you so much.”

Mind you, I walked down the driveway to her. She simply got out of her car, walked around it to the passenger side, opened the passenger door and retrieved the two packs of boxes.

This is what she said to me, “OH Yeah, I hate these things. It’s a pain to deliver them to everyone. I hate when the commercial comes on and ‘says no matter how many you need we will deliver them.’ Them people making commercials aren’t the ones who have to deliver ‘em.”

To which I smiled and said, “Well I appreciate that you do it. It makes my life so much easier to not have to drag my two kids in with me to pick up the boxes. So thank you.”

She grunted at me, waved me off and said, “whatever, I have to deliver them all over town” got back in her car and sped off.

Are you kidding me? It’s not as if she had to carry them an exorbitant distance.  It’s not snowing, raining or 110 °. She doesn’t walk up and down the streets with a heavy bag of junk mail like most mail carriers do. She drives around in her little car. She has to pull out a small load of mail to sort and occasionally has to walk up someone’s driveway to deliver a box.

Is it really that difficult? Trust me, I’ll gladly take her job. I could make some money,  bring the girls with me and deliver boxes with a smile.

 

September 16, 2009

Murphy’s Law #2

Posted by fixitmommy under Murphy's Law, Uncategorized | Tags: , , |
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Not even two weeks gone yet and we have Murphy’s Law #2 of deployment.  Y’all know Murphy’s Law says that whatever can go wrong will.  Granted when it’s deployment-related, its’ more like whatever can break, will break.

So today it’s the DVR.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute. SHOCKING, I know.   It’s like premier week.  A whole bunch of new shows are starting and my dang-blasted DirecTV receiver will not turn on.  When I try to turn it on, all I get are flashing “record” and “power” buttons.

Are you kidding me?  Yes, I will freely admit that when the Husband is gone, the girls watch entirely too much TV.  It’s that last hour before dinner that kills me.  Usually the Husband is home around 4 p.m. But with him gone I don’t get that little break to clean up the kitchen and get dinner going.  So quite often, the girls watch TV from 4:30 until 5:15-ish when dinner is typically done.

Now what am I going to do?  Well, I’ll tell you what I am doing.  I picked up three Wiggles DVDs at the Thrift Store on base for $6 and I am hoping that new DVDs will get me through until the new receiver arrives.

 

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