I know I seem to be complaining or whining a lot and I don’t want this to be a downer.  So today I will tell you one good thing about this deployment.  And trust me, it’s a great thing that I hope will come out of this adventure.

I have a quick temper.  I am a yeller.  When I am frustrated, mad or annoyed I tend to yell.  Just ask the girls or the dog. I can yell.

I developed a terrible habit of yelling and/or threatening a spanking to get the girls to comply with whatever I wanted them to do.  I know it’s terrible, so please don’t berate me for it.  I am working on it.

I could pretend to control it by letting my frustration grow and grow and grow during the day, knowing that the Husband would be home and provide some relief.  But now I can’t do that.  The first week or so that the Husband was gone, was tough.  I yelled a lot.  The girls were scared into doing what I wanted them to do.  I was not coping well and they were suffering.  The last thing I want is for my kids to be afraid of me.

Through lots of prayer and reflection, I figured out the problem was my temper and I knew that I needed to get it in check or we will not survive this time.

Another problem I discovered was the Big One was turning into a little tyrant.  She was mimicking exactly what I was doing, except her anger was usually directed at her sister or a toy.  She would get mad, yell and she added the great gift of throwing whatever the offending object was.  {for the record I am not a thrower, just a yeller!}

So for the last three weeks, we have been working on using nice voices and being calm when what we really want to do is yell. I’ve tried the whispering tactic.  When I get frustrated with the girls, I speak in a very quiet voice so that they have to stop whatever they are dong to hear what I am saying.   It works sometimes.

I have been working hard to find other means of discipline besides spanking.  {Just a note, this has NOTHING to do with the recent study that come out saying that kids who are spanked have a lower IQ.  I think that’s a bunch of hooey. They are way too many other factors that determine IQ and way too many factors in individual homes to make that connection.}  I do think that in some instances, a swat on the bottom can go a long way.

But I was guilty of automatically resorting to a spanking (more the threat than the actual act) in order to get the girls to do what I wanted.   And I know that is not an effective means of discipline.  So we are working together to find other ways to teach them what behaviors are okay and which are not.

Another tactic I am using is to say, “That’s not okay,” Instead of constantly screaming, “NO!” or “STOP!” I read that on another blog that I love to read.  If I could find the actual post where I read it, I’d put a link here, but alas I cannot find it.

So anyway, we are working on things.  We are working on better communication.  We are working on lowering our voices.  And we are working on discipline without spanking.  If all goes well, we will be a much happier household and I will be a much better parent.